“David, I was wondering if you would be so kind as to supply me with the names of professors at your establishment who are involved in the teaching of European affairs, with particular reference to Brexit.”
Those words, penned by government whip Chris Heaton-Harris in a letter to the University of Worcester, are now infamous.
This and a series of similar letters to UK universities have been met with a mix of incredulity and anger from the recipients. This gushingly polite invitation was worthy of tea-house talk such as: “Would you be so kind as to pass me the scones?” But, as one pro-Remain Tory MP put it, amounted to: “Papers please, Herr Professor”.
Since this seems to be the preferred style of our ruling Conservative party, members of the public might like to adopt a similar form of questioning.
“Theresa, I was wondering whether you would be so kind as to supply me with the 50 sectoral studies on the likely consequences of Brexit?”
“Boris, I was wondering whether you would be so kind as to apologise for the misleading claims on your red Brexit bus about saving the NHS, when in reality it is threatened by an exodus of valued doctors and nurses back to the continent?
“Liam, I was wondering whether you would be so kind as to inform us on whether we should look forward to consuming chlorine-washed chickens and genetically modified foods produced by the US’s mega agri-food complex?”
“David, I was wondering whether you would be so kind as to inform us on precisely what plans you are making for a ‘no deal’?”
“Theresa, I was wondering whether you would be so kind as to organise a second referendum on Brexit, since we the people may be having second thoughts on the question?”
